A Christmassy Casserole
by RadaVonVon
Summary: Invader Zim has never believed in Christmas. He refuses to believe that it has a special meaning. Seven years after the death of Keef... Are things about to change? Will Christmas stop being a bunch of ba humbug? Or will Zim's opinions never change?
1. Introduction

**_A Christmassy Carol_**

**By Tallest Yellow**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_**Introduction**_

**Keef died seven years ago. Zim never really had cared, not much, anyway.**

**Zim, bored out of his mind, is currently counting his monies with one of his best friends. Skooge.**


	2. Stave I: The Ghost of Keef

_**A Christmassy Carol**_

**By Tallest Yellow**

**

* * *

**

_**Stave one: The Ghost of Keef**_

"That makes… Um… Twelve?" Skooge's face twisted slightly as he tried to make sense of the math forced upon his STUPID brain.

"No, no, no! It's thirteen, you idiot!" I shouted, snatching the green pieces of paper from him. "If I ever want to get something right, I have to do it myself!"

Clutching the monies in my hand, I flipped through them. "Yes, thirteen, you dimwit." I said sourly to him. Skooge winced at the tone my voice was taking on.

At that instant, GIR walked in. "OKIEDOKIES!!!" GIR screamed at the top of his lungs. I winced. "CHRISTMASSY DINNER'S READDDDDDYYYYY!"

Skooge jumped up, but I remained stationary. "It's a puny, EARTH holiday! Why should I come?" I hissed angrily under my breath, keeping the monies clutched tightly in my clawed hand.

GIR's eyes suddenly filled with huge tears. "Ma-master…"

I leaned back into the couch and gave the android a death glare. "Fine, Skooge, you go, but I'm staying here."

A growl rumbled slightly in my throat. Skooge and GIR both knew I wasn't kidding when that happened. It was a stinky HYOOMAN earth holiday. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. I scoffed at the idea. Perhaps I had lived on this planet for a while, but I would never, in all of eternity, ever celebrate what these PITIFUL HYOOMANS called Christmas.

"But… Masta… We was havin' da casserole."

I scoffed. "Both of you! Leave me alone! Shoo!"

As Skooge and GIR left, there was a knock on the front door.

I scowled as I stood up, mumbling insults to myself.

"Hello, Sir or Madam," The Dib-stink began, clearly reading from a script held in one gloved hand. "My sister, Gaz and I-" He stumbled over another one of the words. "We are collecting money for the Salvation Army, and we-"

"Go away," I said, narrowing my eyes irritably. "I will NEVER, EVER, EVER, fall in love with you, Dib." With those parting words, I slammed the door in the faces of both the Membrane children.

There was a louder pounding on the door. I opened it once again.

"LISTEN, ZIM DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR JINGLY MALVATION'S TARMY!"

A firm fist grabbed the front of my Invader Uniform and dragged me close. I found myself face-to-face with Gaz Membrane.

"HEY, YOU! You're GOING to donate money, or I'm going to blast you back to that FREAKY FOREIGN PLANET OF YOURS in one punch!"

I knew without thought that she was not kidding. Still, I shoved her back, saying nonchalantly. "This planet is overcrowded anyway." Then I slammed it in the younger Membrane child's face, as I had done with the other. I set the padlock, just to be safe, however.

It appeared that Skooge and GIR were done.

"Masta?" GIR looked up at me, then. I glanced down. "Can we have tomorrow off? Puh-leeze?" Small… Whatever they were- appeared in his eyes.

"Ugh, fine." I mumbled. "Skooge, you might as well go home too. Head back to Irk, do whatever."

Skooge seemed happy at that news. "Oh, thank you!" He dashed out of the room without hesitation just as there was excessive pounding on the door, no doubt from the strange, violent, little Membrane girl.

GIR seemed happy enough, for he shouted, "YAY!!! I'MA GO TELL THE TACOS!!"

I rolled my eyes and began to head down to the base. No matter what they said, I definitely was not going to disappoint my Tallest!

Sitting down in my chair and beginning to turn around, I smiled and began to work on my next evil plan.

* * *

I was pretty much half asleep now. My supply of Poop soda was running rather low.

"HIYA, BUDDY!" I jumped, shaky from the intake of caffeine. Keef was standing behind me.

"Um... Keef? Aren't you, like..."

"Dead? Yeah."

My eyes shifted from him to the ground, unsure how to react.

"Anyway, my bosses told me you had to get some sort of Christmas Spirit, 'cause you were on Earth or something, buddy!"

One of my eyes twitched.

"What's the matter, buddy?" Keef asked. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"No. Not really." I answered, my face rather dull. "Leave me alone."

"Okie dokie, buddy... But, um... Yeah, there are gonna be three ghosts, m'kay? Bye!"

With that, the hyperactive kid left.

I sat back down, pondering what had just happened.


	3. Stave II: The Ghost of Christmassy Past

_**A Christmassy Casserole**_

_**By Tallest Yellow**_

* * *

**_Stave One: The Ghost of Christmassy Past_**

"I am... Er... No... I AM... No... I am the Ghost of Christmassy Past! Yeah, that's it."

I glanced up at the purple-eyed Irken in front of me.

"Um... Tak?"

"Eh?"

"... You died?"

"... Yeah. I did. Didn't you read the fan fiction?"

"... No."

"... I hate you."

"Then we're even."

"Oh, shut up!" Tak snapped, coughing once more. "Let me redo that entrance. I AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMASSY PAST!!!"

"... And...?"

"Well, I'm supposed to apparently help you get into the Christmas Spirit. By showing you some of your past Christmasses."

"Okay, then. Let's go."

"Well!"

Tak took several steps forward before snatching my hand. "What is this, some sort of cliche romance? I asked angrily. I don't see the poi-EEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTT!" I began to yell as a huge hole had opened up in the floor.

Still falling, Tak gave me her ever-so-irritated look out of the corner of her dark violet eyes. "We're almost done." She said, quickly giving me a kick in the side, during which I flinched.

When we landed, I expected to land harshly, but with a simple flap of Tak's wings, the landing was soft. I looked intently over the top of a roof, curious to see what this rather annoying Irken had taken me to see.

"Come on, Zim..." Purple mumbled, shifting slightly as he made at least a small attempt to make this stupid little military camp at least a little fun.

I suddenly remembered the way I had treated GIR, and regret overwhelmed me. If it hadn't been for Purple, who I was now treating terribly by hissing and spitting at him, in the vision of course, I wouldn't have GIR.

The scene quickly changed, and for a split second, I pondered what I had just seen.

This time, it was me and Tak pretty much screaming at each other. Finally, Skooge intervened, and something quite close to guilt swept over me. _I really shouldn't have treated him that way. _I thought silently. _I'll apologize to him when I get back. _

Finally, the scene floated over to the Dib-stink. His black scythe was flapping attractively and- whoah, whoah. Hold up!

"TAK!" I shouted, tackling the angel immediately, tugging visciously at her sparkly antennae of, dare I say it... DOOM!

"OW! OW! ZIM! LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!" Tak screeched, fighting like mad to get me off of her.

"Not until you apologize! I DO NOT LOVE DIB!" I screamed. It was true! At this point, you should have figured out the author isn't a big fan of ZADR. So... She was quite skeptical about this scene, but I insisted it be put in.

"FINE! FINE! I'm sorry I did that, I'm sorry! But I won't say it wasn't funny."

I stopped yanking visciously at her atennnae, however I did give her a disapproving glare.

"Oh, I get it. You want me to leave."

"Mm hmm."

"Okay, okay."

After several moment, she was gone, and I was back in my lab.

Sometimes that girl could be a serious pain.

Sitting back down, I sighed and continued my working.


	4. Stave III: Ghost of Christmassy Present

_**A Christmassy Casserole**_

_**By Tallest Yellow**_

_**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**_

_**Stave Three: The Ghost of Christmas Present**_

"Hello… My name is Tenn. I am the ghost of Christmas Present."

Tenn was sitting on a chair made of chips. Don't worry, I didn't get it either.

I stared for a moment, then slowly shook my head.

"Come on." Tenn mumbled, standing up.

I followed, staring blankly at my fellow Invader as she hummed along.

"O… Kay…"

Tenn led me outside, where she began to loudly sing Christmas carols. Her singing voice was all… High and screechy. I rubbed my antennae with a grimace.

After numerous minutes of this, she grabbed my hand, and we shot upward.

Stars past by quickly, until we both found ourselves next to Skooge's ship. He was humming happily to himself, pressing buttons giddily in the front of his Voot.

"Eh… I hope Zim has a nice Christmas." He mumbled, fumbling with something in silence before his SIR unit came up. One eye was really, really huge and the other was tiny.

"So, yeah. The SIR is gonna a'splode if you don't get some spirit."

"Whaaaat?"

"I said it's gonna explode."

"Um… Okay?"

Mildly, I felt a sense of sadness. "Ah well."

Then the scene switched to both the Tallest. They were busying themselves with doughnuts, relaxing and having fun. I only made a face when they kissed each other.

"Ooo… RAPR." Tenn said, clasping her hands together and putting them up over her shoulder.

"AH! I'M BLIND!" I screamed, falling backward and tossing my hands to my face.

Tenn suddenly looked shorter. "Ah, that sucks." She mumbled. "Gotta go. The next ghost is coming. Tenn looked silently over at me. "Okay, so, there are these two causes of terrible… Ness in the world… Erm… Universe. These things are called ZADR, GATR, and RAPR. That's three, but screw it."

"… What are those?"

Tenn waved her hand in silence, then, with a flourish, a single picture of myself came up. As more of the picture faded into sight, I saw I was kissing a particular large-headed, scythe-haired boy.

"AH! NOOOOOOOOO!"

Tenn shook her head sadly. "Fangirls can get so carried away some times… Tsk, tsk."

Then she flourished once again. The picture faded into Gaz and Tak. Guess what? THEY WERE KISSING, TOO!

This time, I just stared. "Wow. Just… Wow. That… That… That's just sad." I mumbled. "… Just… Wow."

Tenn snorted. "It's called fan girling. It's gross. And creepy."

I nodded, one of my eyes twitching.

"Onto the next one! RAPR!"

An image of my Tallest holding each other flooded before my eyes. I was completely blinded. "NOOOOOOO! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY RIGHT NOW! IT BURNS ZIM!" I screamed, my voice going high-pitched and squeaky.

"That's called RAPR. Disturbing, en't it?" Tenn asked, I just stared.

I seriously would never see my Tallest the same way again.

"… Okay, I'm leaving now."

Then she disappeared.


End file.
